71st Golden Globe Awards (2014 TV Special)
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association's 71 annual event honoring excellence in film and television.
- Live from the star-filled International Ballroom of the Beverly Hilton Hotel, welcome to the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards. And now, your hosts for the evening, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler....
The ladies saunter to a standing ovation and get right to it.
"Welcome to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Lee Daniel's The Butler Golden Globe Awards," Tina says.
"A very good evening to everyone here in the room and to all the women and gay men watching at home," says Amy.
"We are so happy to be back, we are hosting the Golden Globes for our second time, because this is Hollywood, where if something kinda works they'll just keep doing it until everybody hates it," Tina says.
They take a moment to rank the star wattage in the room, noting that it's very impressive and agreeing that Robert Redford is at the top, unless it's European rules, and then Jean-Claude Van Damme outranks everyone.
Amy singles out Matt Damon. "Matt, on any other night, in any other room, you'd be a big deal, but - don't take this the wrong way - tonight, you're basically a garbage person."
Tina notes Meryl Streep, "so great in 'August: Osage County,' proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60."
Tina mentions an interesting bit of trivia about "American Hustle" - the original title was "Explosion at the Wig Factory."
Tina compliments Amy on her nomination for "Parks and Recreation," and the camera gets a shot of "Amy" - Jennifer Lawrence. The real Amy notes it's hard to believe she's a 42-year-old mother of two.
They commend their friend Julia-Louis Dreyfus for her nominations for "Veep" on HBO and her first film nomination for "Enough Said."
"Interestingly, Julia has chosen to sit in the film section," Amy says. Cut to Julia in black shades, sitting next to Reese Witherspoon, smoking an e-cigarette and looking too cool for TV people.
Given that Woody Allen is being awarded the Cecil B DeMille Award just a few years after Martin Scorsese won it, Amy assumes that it's given to "the tiniest man with the biggest glasses."
Tina moves on to "Gravity": "It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." (Cut to Sandra Bullock cracking up.)
Tina notes that the movie "Her" takes place in the "not too distant future, which is perfect, because so does Joaquin Phoenix."
For his work in "Dallas Buyer's Club," Matthew McConaughey lost 45 pounds, or, as Tina says, "What actresses call 'being in a movie.'"
Amy mentions "The Wolf of Wall Street" features a scene of Jonah Hill masturbating at a pool party, and if she wanted to see that, she would just go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties.
The 506 F-bombs in that movie is a new record, Tina says, "unless you count my dad trying to hang some new curtain rods in our living room."
Amy commends Netflix for its nominated shows. "Enjoy it while it lasts Netflix, because you're not going to be feeling so smug in a couple of years when SnapChat is up here accepting Best Drama."
Amy gives a shout out to their former "Saturday Night Live" cast mates, including Andy Samberg who once had a song "I'm On a Boat,' which this year was adapted into the Tom Hanks film 'Captain Phillips.'"
"'Masters of Sex'....is the degree I got from Boston College," Amy says, accepting a high five.
And they wrap up. "Ladies, kick off your shoes. Gentlemen, try them on, see how horrible they are," Amy offers.
"We're going to get this show wrapped up in three hours, or as Martin Scorsese calls it, 'Act One,'" Tina says.
They welcome the first presenters, Sandra Bullock and Tom Hanks, for supporting actress in a movie. No jokes, no bit, just introducing the nominees. And the Globe goes to Jennifer Lawrence. A handsome young man helps her up to the stage - no tripping this time.
She marvels at the brilliance of the "American Hustle" director David O. Russell and how in awe she was to get to work with him. She starts to compliment the other nominees - "I actually did watch all of the movies this year, well, not all of them, but you know what I mean, so I actually can say, all of the women, it's such an honor to be nominated with you. I don't know why I'm so terrified, it's obviously a good thing, I don't know why I'm so scared," she says. The room finds her endearing, as always.
"I'm sorry I'm shaking so much, don't ever do this again! Thank you," she says.
Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis are out next for supporting actress for TV. Jacqueline Bisset wins for "Dancing on the Edge." It's obviously a surprise because she's seated waaaay n the back. She needs a moment to compose herself and holds back tears as she walks up, accepting a kiss from her "End of the Game" costar Jon Voight on the way.
On stage she takes several long seconds to compose herself then notes that she was selected as promising newcomer 47 years ago. She pauses again and it starts to get awkward. She finds her costar Chiwetel Ejifor in the audience for inspiration and promises to pull it together as the music starts to play her off. She keeps going.
The music reaches a crescendo, but then has to go quiet again when she doesn't stop. Finally, she wraps up, but not before letting fly the first curse of the evening.
"I want to thank the people who have given me joy, and the people who have given me s---, like my mother, I say 'Go to hell and don't come back'. However, my mother was not entirely me, I believe if you want to look good, you've got to forgive everybody, forgiveness is the best beauty treatment," she says.
After the break, Mark Ruffalo and Naomi Watts presents best mini-series or TV movie. The Globe goes to "Behind the Candelabra."
Jerry Weintraub, who produced, accepts. He thanks HBO people and people behind the scenes.
On to nominees for Best Actress in a mini-series or TV movie. The winner is Elizabeth Moss for "Top of the Lake".
She's also seated way off to the side and has to fight her way to the front, through tables. She's shaking and opens with "holy s---."
She manages to get words out, acknowledging her fellow nominees, her director and finally, her mom and brother.
Matt Damon comes out, "it's me, the garbage man - the garbage man, who didn't bring his glasses." He's there to introduce one of the Best Picture nominees, "Captain Phillips." (Having starred in director Paul Greengrass' "Bourne" movies.)
Tina and Amy come back out to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press, with its members Nicoise Yakimora Bichon Frisee Yoshimata, etc. (made up foreign names).
They welcome the HFPAA President, who notes it's the moment we've been waiting for, or as it's known for people at home "bathroom break." He says welcome and wraps up.
Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie come up to introduce their movie "The Wolf of Wall Street", but don't get very far because they realize the text in the TelePrompter is meant for Aaron Eckhart. Someone hands them the text on a piece of paper and they introduce the clip.
Then Eckhart and Paula Patton come out to introduce Actor in a TV drama. The Globe goes Brian Cranston for "Breaking Bad", his first win on his fifth nomination. He's seated up in Jacqueline Bisset territory as well.
He notes how glad he is that "everyone around the world can share in 'Breaking Bad's mirth and merriment." He singles out creator Vince Gilligan and all of his cast members by name, then thanks "courageous AMC" for putting the show on.
Eckhart and Patton next introduce Best TV Series - Drama. The Globe goes to "Breaking Bad."
Creator Vince Gilligan thanks the people who watched the show from the beginning. He leaves the final thought to Aaron Paul: "Yea, bitch!"
Next up, Steve Coogan escorts Philomena Lee, the real woman his nominated movie "Philomena" is based on. They introduce the clip.
Then Kate Beckinsale is out with Sean Combs (aka Diddy) and Usher Raymond IV (aka Usher) to introduce Best Score in an original motion picture. The Globe goes to Alex Ebert for "All is Lost."
He has his hair piled on top of his head with clips. On stage, he asks Diddy if he remembers him, and Diddy does, surprised, and fills in: "he was on a boat partying with me in St. Bart's."
"He came up behind me and unbuttoned my coat and said, 'Let it flow!'," Ebert explains, then he moves on to his acceptance.
"Even the most deft pen is a clumsy tool and yet, we still try for magic. Thanks for letting me 'try' all of your movie," he says.
Diddy checks that everyone is having a good time. Then he introduces best original song for a movie. Bono, Adam Clayton, The Edge, Larry Mullen Jr., and Brian Burton win for "Ordinary Love" from "Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom."
Bono acknowledges what a difference Mandela made in their life and encourages people to see the "dysfunctional love story."
Next, Jesse Spencer, Taylor Kinney and Amber Heard present best supporting actor for TV (over an audience that hasn't gotten back to their seats following the commercial). The Globe goes to Jon Voight for "Ray Donovan."
He gets up on stage, eyes the audience and says: "I know you all." He's grateful and humbled to be among his talented peers. He thanks the shows creator and says he's thinking of his lovely family.
Olivia Wilde is out next to present the Best Picture nominee "Her."
Robert Downey Jr. is out next. "No matter whose name is called tonight, I'm leaving here a winner," he says in introducing Best Actress in a Movie. It goes to Amy Adams from "American Hustle".
She thanks David O. Russell for writing great roles for women and her manager for having a feeling about her when she came out to L.A. 15 years ago.
After the break, Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick introduce Miss Golden Globe, their daughter Sosie Bacon.
Tina Fey interrupts. "And in the name of gender equality, please allow me to introduce my adult son from a previous relationship, Randy."
Amy Poehler in a Bieber circa '12 wig and tux shuffles out and does a good pouty teenager routine. When Tina threatens to make "him" go live with his father, Amy says she can't because Tina won't tell her who it is. Amy heads for the audience and asks if it's Idris Elba. When Tina says no, Amy stands next to Harvey Weinstein.
Back on stage, Kyra and Kevin introduce Best Actress- TV. The Globe goes to Robin Wright for "House of Cards." She hightails it on stage and references Merritt Weaver's quickie Emmy speech, then thanks the HFPAA, saying "you guys are a gaggle of characters." She thanks her costar Kevin Spacey as "the best playdate ever," then wraps up, saying she isn't going to go through the thing everybody's heard eight million times.
Jim Carrey is next. "Dying is easy, comedy is hard - I believe it was Shia LeBeouf, who said that," he says, introducing "American Hustle."
Christoph Waltz is next to present Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture (the Austrian nails the pronunciation of nominees Daniel Bruhl, and Michael Fassbender.) The Globe goes to Jared Leto for "Dallas Buyer's Club."
Leto mentions that he didn't make a movie for six years while "pursing other dreams" and that he's honored to come back to movies to such encouragement.
Emma Thompson comes out barefoot with a martini in one hand and her Louboutins in the other ("This color red is my blood" she says of their trademark soles).
Sosie brings her the envelope and she hands off her drink and tosses her shoes as she announces Spike Jonze as the winner for "Her." He thanks fellow nominee David O. Russell for his help. He's singling out people from the audience when the music starts and he manages to acknowledge his cast.
Laura Dern comes out to introduce her dad Bruce's movie, "Nebraska."
Presenters Julie Bowen and Seth Meyers address the HFPAA, saying that neither of them has been nominated and they're willing to do whatever it takes.
They're presenting Best Actor in a TV comedy and Seth introduces "The Andy Samberg" (his "SNL" costar). He reads the winner: "Best night ever: Andy Samberg" for "Brooklyn Nine-Nine".
"Oh no!" Andy says, adding that he didn't prepare anything. He goes through the routine of thanking everyone, getting a laugh when he thanks his "team," as everyone before him has.
Up next, Zoe Saldana and Orlando Bloom present Best Foreign film to "The Great Beauty" from Italy.
After a costume change, Tina and Amy are out with their gold goblets. "Well, well, well, look who slithered back over to the TV section," Tina says, singling out Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who is now slumming it at the TV tables, scarfing down a hot dog.
Tina introduces the next presenters including "the cursing consultant on 'The Wolf of Wall Street," Melissa McCarthy, along with Jimmy Fallon.
Jimmy sets up the bit, saying a sandbag fell back stage and Melissa pushed a crew member out of the way, but it hit her on the head and now she thinks she's Matt Damon. The doctors say they should play along or the shock could kill her. The Globe goes to Michael Douglas for "Behind the Candelabra."
Douglas recalls making "Traffic" in 1999 and Steven Soderberg asking him if he ever thought about Liberace. "Being the paranoid actor that I am, I wondered if I was mincing a little," he says.
He thanks his costar and fellow nominee, Matt Damon, saying "the only reason you're not here is because I had more sequins."
After the break, Emma Watson and Chris Pine introduces Best Animated Feature Film, which goes to "Frozen."
Colin Farrell introduces "Inside Llewyn Davis," a Best Picture Nominee.
Chris O'Donnell and Emilia Clarke come out next to introduces Best Actress in a Comedy - TV. (Amy Poehler is a nominee, and when they cut to her, she's getting a back rub from Bono.)
Amy wins, and takes the opportunity to make-out with Bono.
She is honestly surprised and rattles off a bunch of names, then notes what a cliche it is, but it's honestly scary to win.
After the break, Tina takes a moment to congratulate Amy and tells her there's a special place in hell for her.
Amy moves along. "Our next presenter told me backstage that she 'isn't looking for new friends.' Please welcome Emma Stone."
Emma introduces Woody Allen as the Cecil B. DeMille winner. After a package of clips from his movies, Diane Keaton comes out to talk about his 74 movies in 48 years and accept the award on his behalf (he's not there). She mentions his talent for writing roles for women.
She quotes him: "Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment."
She mentions their 45 year friendship and closes by singing "Make New Friends."
Liam Neeson is out next to introduce nominee "Gravity."
Ben Affleck is out to present best director. The Globe goes to Alfonso Cuaron for "Gravity."
He thanks the hundreds of crew and mentions his thick accent making it hard for them to know what he was saying. He calls star Sandra Bullock "the most amazing collaborator."
"Thank you for not quitting when you thought I had told you, 'Sandra, I'm going to give you herpes.' When I really meant to say, 'Sandra, I'm going to give you an 'earpiece.' It's a true story," he says.
Chris Evans and Uma Thurman present Best TV Series - Comedy. The Globe goes to "Brooklyn Nine-Nine."
Creator Dan Goor accepts: "I'm a terrible actor, so you can be assured that I'm very surprised in real life.....I want to thank Fox, especially Kevin Reilly, who controls our fate. And who is very handsome, and smart."
Goor thanks his wife and two kids, even the two and a half year-old "who is a nightmare." He says he ditched med school, and winning a Golden Globe is "way better than saving a human life."
Up next, Jennifer Lawrence is up next to present Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy. The Globe goes to Leonardo DiCaprio.
He thanks the HFPAA, saying he never would have guessed he would win for a comedy (referencing the odd categorization of his movie). He acknowledges his fellow nominees than thanks director Martin Scorsese for his mentorship and for encouraging him to take risks in the movie.
Reese Witherspoon is up next to present the nominee "12 Years A Slave."
Up next, Chris Hemsworth is joined by Niki Lauda, one of the subjects of the nominated "Rush" to introduce that movie.
Drew Barrymore follows to present Best Picture - Comedy. The Globe goes to "American Hustle."
Producer Charles Roven accepts, noting director David O. Russell's love for the "indomitable" characters.
Tina returns and goes blue: "And now, like a super model's vagina, let's welcome Leonardo DiCaprio."
Leo comes back out and thanks the costars he forgot to acknowledge earlier before he introduces Best Actress in a movie (with special enunciation of his "Titantic" costar Kate Winslet, nominated for "Labor Day"). The Globe goes to Cate Blanchett for "Blue Jasmine."
"Well, that came up fast, I had a few vodkas under my belt," she begins. She mentions her odd day began by taking her children to the "magic castle."
She lauds director Woody Allen for creating the role, and her costars. The music starts to play her off. "I'm just wondering, can people at home hear this music? Or do they just think that you're suddenly getting very fast because you're having a panic attack? Which I'm probably having."
She thanks her team for "not only plying me with vodka in the way that Judy Garland was probably plied with barbiturates, thank you, thank you, I appreciate your support."
Jessica Chastain is next to present Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama. The Globe goes to Matthew McConaughey for "Dallas Buyer's Club."
He can't help himself when he gets on stage, opening with: "Alright, alright, alright."
He acknowledges his fellow nominees then says the movie was turned down 86 times and "I'm really glad it got passed on so many times or it wouldn't have come to me."
He thanks his mom for making him go outside to play when he was a kid, telling him not to watch people do, but to go do it himself, which he thinks now is a good recipe for actors as well. He thanks his wife Camilla for kicking him out the door and telling him to get after it.
"This film was never about dying, it was always about living' and with that I say: 'Just Keep.'"
Johnny Deep recaps the nominees for Best Motion Picture - Drama. The Globe goes to "12 Years a Slave."
Director Steve McQueen accepts, saying he's a little bit in shock. He singles out his cast (calling Sarah Paulson "the Billie Davis of America"), then accepts suggestions from them on who to thank. He wraps by thanking producer Brad Pitt, saying the movie wouldn't have been made without him.
Tina and Amy return to close the show. "Thank you, this is the beautiful mess we hoped it would be," Tina says. "And I got to make out with Bono," Amy says.
And with that, the beautiful people head home for the evening.